The Haynes Perspective

The Rude Society

2010-12-24T05:54:00.000-08:00

The more I'm out in stores, bars, restaurants, and other public places I have noticed an alarming trend towards rudeness. From customers talking on their cell phones to rude comments and judgmental behavior. But the most disturbing of all is what seems to be the loss of using the words please and thank you.

If you're like me, then you had a grandmother who instilled in you the necessity of the words please and thank you. I remember her saying when I would ask for something, "what do you say?", and she would repeat the same question often when I received something and forgot to use the "magic" words please and thank you.

What I could not understand as a child, because really I was merely repeating out of obligation the words please and thank you, is that using please and thank you are signs of respect and care for the individual whom you are interacting with at that moment.

Whether it is the person making your coffee drink in the morning, the server or bartender, store clerk, friend, family member, child, or co-worker taking the time to ask with please and receive with thank you creates a more caring and respectful atmosphere.

So please give it a try and I thank you.

But I need more than 140 Characters!

2009-12-10T13:48:00.000-08:00

Okay this blog entry will show my age...I get it I am a crabby old white guy...too bad.

When did text messaging and social network sites replace actual communication? I understand the convenience of text messages and social networking, I use them myself, but there are some things better said in person or at least over the phone.

We continue to distance ourselves from one another through social networking and texting. We have even redefined the term "friend" and created new words like "defriending." When was the last time you really sat across from someone, made eye contact and had an active conversation, discussion or debate? A conversation where you are actively listening.

As we strive to understand one another and learn more about the world around us I believe we need to make an effort to close the laptop...put the mobile device down and just reach out...truly reach out and open up a conversation not limited to 140 characters.

Hey Ladies...Adam Lambert is Gay!

2009-12-10T11:00:00.000-08:00

Here is a little something that I shared during my last one man show...so for those of you that didn't make it...I thought with all the Lambert Buzz why not pass my thoughts on to anyone reading this blog...

Last month Adam Lambert was featured in a controversial photo shoot in Details magazine (see pic above). Now this seems fine...hot rocker making out with hot model...certainly not anything we haven't seen before....but here's the deal...that tongue coming out of Lambert's mouth is gay...because it is attached to a gay man. Now I am not revealing any news flashes here...if you haven't heard of Adam Lambert then you may not know, but if you have then you already know he's gay...glam-goth gay in fact...and as Seinfeld would say "not that there's anything wrong with that."

When this magazine hit the stands there should have been a phallic like bat signal beaming in the sky summoning the powers of a Gay Intervention. The title of the article in Details was "Why every woman in America wants to sleep with Adam Lambert." Gay men...don't you have a code? C'mon we can't compete against this...he can sing...he can dance...he knows make-up and fingernail polish tips...and from what I hear he's HOT! And not just "hey check that guy out over there, he's hot"...he's "I'd consider a sex change operation if that would help, hot."

Ladies...Adam Lambert is not going to switch teams....even though he told Barbara Walters that one day he wants to raise a child he doesn't want you to help, at least not in the way you want to help. Here is the bottom line, the above picture is not Adam Lambert, this pic is Adam Lambert

Love is in the Air

2009-10-21T08:58:00.000-07:00

My next one man show is coming up 1 week from this Friday on Oct. 30th at the Bryant Lake Bowl.

This time I look at love and relationships...the people we love..the things we love. How we communicate...what we do and say to one another and the snarky sarcastic judgmental side of humans in the pursuit of love and happiness.

We all have battle stories and opinions and successes and failures...but in the end what I hope we discover on Oct. 30th is that when its great...its worth all the other crap. So come out for a night of touchy feely and dark and twisted humor as Smart Goes Crazy again!

See you Oct. 30th...and don't forget...there will be the popular Q&A with Haynes at the end of the show where you get to submit questions about love...relationships...communication...pitfalls...happiness...success..commitment...broken hearts...pretty much anything related to love and I will give you my perspective....not the right answer just my perspective.

Help! My Phone is Attached to My Head

2009-08-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

I know much has been written about cell phone etiquette. I have noticed an alarming trend. People on their phones while being rung up at the retail stores, gas stations, etc.

I notice this happening quite often. The ringer behind the counter is left to feel less than human I'm sure, as the person plops their purchases down on the counter not acknowledging that they are standing across from another human being.

Unless you are on the phone with your transplant surgeon because your kidney, liver, heart, etc is on its way and you need to get to the hospital...hang it up. We already have a break down in face to face conversations with people actually justifying texting and social networking as a real form of communication. Are these useful forms of communication, of course, but let us not forget that we have decreased the ability to have a face to face conversation and the way in which we communicate has both been helped and stunted.

I have been guilty of texting or tweeting or facebook updating while out...but I have been trying to be more aware of my behavior because quite honestly it's rude.
When faced with another human put the electronics down.

The Talking Cigarette

2009-07-30T09:31:00.000-07:00

So I have 5 days smoke free! There have been some ups and downs and I am sure there will be more but so far so good. I have also been starting to run again...well it is part running part walking to get back some endurance. I plan to run a 5k sometime this Fall as a goal to keep me focused on the no smoking plan.

On the evening of day 2 I had a dream that included a talking cigarette. I knew then that my brain was hoping I would dump this plan and soon. The conversation went as follows and I liken it to someone you broke up with and they want to get back together.

Talking Cigarette (TC): So you haven't called in a couple of days

John (J): I told you we're over

TC: What did I do just tell me and I'll change

J: You are not healthy for me and I am tired of spending money on you

TC: But I have always been there for you

J: I'm not saying we didn't have some good times but it's time for me to make a change

TC: I have been your only true friend and companion

J: Stop

TC: When you were heart broken I was there, when you lost your job I was there, when someone disappointed you I was there, when you sucked at bass fishing I was there

J: I know but you are not healthy for me

TC: You are a jerk. I never asked you for anything I just gave and gave and gave comfort to you

J: I need more I need something healthy and productive

TC: You are kidding yourself because the bottom line is that you really care about me and ultimately love me and won't ever be able to let me go. I am everywhere, you are going to see me again and again having fun with others and you will want me back.

J: Listen you'll find someone else I promise. And I am not moving on to some piece of gum I am doing this alone.

TC: Go to hell

Then I woke up and thought holy crap this could be a long road. But hey I am on day 5 and that is all I can focus on. Stay out of my head talking cigarette!

Wants Change with Life

2009-06-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

We all change as we get older, that is no surprise. What is a surprise is how our wants become diminished to some very simple things once we pass a certain age.

In our 20's we tend to be somewhat ADD...where is the next party, the cool new bar or club, the latest fashion trend. In our 30's we start being a little more career and sometimes family oriented. We make plans and begin thinking about our future.

Then the 40's hit and I have to be honest. It has come down to one thing and one thing only-Being Comfortable. Whether it is the temperature, the chair I'm sitting in or the pants I'm wearing I just want to be comfortable. Really?!

My whole life has now been reduced to a search for comfort. Oh and not being annoyed but since I have far less luck with that one I think I will focus on the comfort thing.

So I will not apologize for shedding my pants at home and living in my boxers and a t-shirt, or for cranking the AC to the point that ice forms on the inside of the windows, or for wearing pants that are "forgiving" (thanks Eddie Bauer).

A Dog's Life

2009-05-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

I know now what they mean by a dog's life.

How great would our lives be as humans if:

-someone always wanted to pet us
-someone prepared every meal for us
-always gave us fresh water
-took us to the park to play with our friends
-we never got grief for sleeping days away
-praised us and gave us treats whenever we peed or pooped

What a wonderful Life.

A Child's Sweet Nature

2009-04-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was in Indianapolis and was lucky enough to have time to visit my sister and her husband and my niece and nephew. My nephew's name is Haynes...I mean his first name...so in a way he is my namesake.

I love spending time around kids because their sweet innocence and uninhibited nature is always refreshing and reminds me that most times life is pretty simple and they find joy in what most of us see as mundane. Haynes told me all about school..he's 4 and going to pre-school 5 days a week. He was so excited to show me the story he wrote the pictures he drew and without knowing it he was being inspiring because he was excited about what he created.

Sometimes we forget that simply being excited about what we do and sharing that with others can be inspiring. He never worried whether I would like his story or pictures because he already knew they were good. He was proud of what he created.

We sometimes hold off showing others what we create because we worry what they might they say or not say when in fact it may be an inspiring moment. So create something and make sure others know about it because we all need a little inspiration.

Pie!

2009-04-07T22:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, who doesn't like pie? It almost seems UnAmerican, primarily because of the phrase "As American as Apple Pie" You can't get more patriotic than pie, well okay maybe you can but I believe it involves joining the military or running for public office or dressing up as the Statue of Liberty and advertising an Income Tax Business.

My favorite pie is banana cream. The pudding/custard style filling with bananas and whipped cream creates a mouthsplosion of flavor and really adding most anything to pudding and whipped cream is good. I have never been a berry pie fan or fruit pie fan in general. Not enough creamy consistency. That is key for pie in my estimation. Now before you go all 7th grade here I am talking about pie. A dessert should be something that when you eat it you know it is not good for you. Why do you think hot fudge brownie sundaes are so good? Because when they bring that oozing delight to your table you know this could be 3 months off your life but you don't care and soon you are elbow deep in chocolate stickiness and ice cream goodness.

We have a Pie Capital of Minnesota...it is Braham and they have a Pie Day every year. This year it is August 7th. I know that is a ways away but it is something that could serve as a State Fair Appetizer. Think about it.

In the meantime grab those forks and get into some pie.

Valentine's Day Boycott

2009-03-26T12:50:00.000-07:00

So this is a little late since it involves Valentine's Day but I wanted to get back to blogging my opinions and this is still puzzling me.

I discovered a number of people who boycott Valentine's Day because they consider it a made up holiday by Hallmark and florists and candy makers and restaurants. So I decided to dig deeper and discovered a great article http://www.history.com/content/valentine/history-of-valentine-s-day

If you take the time to read this you'll discover that Valentine's Day has a rich history...of course rooted in the Catholic Church. And you will also discover that 85% of Valentine's cards are purchased by women....way to go guys. Certain Religious traditions are considered fantasy by some and sacred by others. So it got me to wondering....if these folks boycott Valentine's Day do they also boycott Christmas? Let's be real you can't get closer to a religious celebration than Christmas especially in the Christian Faith...c'mon Christ is in the Frickin word.

So maybe they choose to ignore the commercialization of Christmas or the blatant religious commection and celebrate because of peer pressure or a feeling of guilt. You have to give presents...right? If you're going to take a stand...then take a stand...I celebrate both...for my own personal reasons. I am one of the strong 15% of men buying a Valentine....when I have someone to give it to....ouch!

And Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without some presents. So commercialisation or not I forge ahead and try and not get caught up in what others want holiday celebrations to be but rather find some specific meaning for me and celebrate from that. Relax pagans I know why Christmas is on Dec 25th.

I say celebrate everything...that's right, even if it is commercialised or made up or we are guilted into it. I say make it your own and let that be part of the celebration.

Until we meet again.

Happy Whatever today is!

Focus

2009-03-18T10:26:00.000-07:00

So many things happening this week. I got cast in the Stevie Ray's Comedy Troupe which I am excited about. It will be nice to be on-stage regularly and learning from some new people.

I have started to work on my one man show Smart Goes Crazy. I need to get promotional materials put together now. And I am working on a tool kit for Wells Fargo International Group as a follow-up to my workshops last week so they can help their employees deal with change and work towards a more cohesive collaboration. And I also booked a gig with Mystery Cafe in April in Indianapolis and am working on creating an improv class for auditions for a local talent agency.

So it is time to put focus in high gear. This is good right now as I am learning what it means to not have a specific full-time job. And my house has never been cleaner on a daily basis!

So Now It Is Real

2009-03-14T18:25:00.000-07:00

For some time now I have been wanting to do a one man show. Well it is finally happening.

Saturday, May 9th at 7pm I hit the stage at the Bryant Lake Bowl for one performance. The working title for the show is Smart Goes Crazy. I plan it will be a mix of classroom teaching, rant, motivation, and offensive opinions about many many things in our lives and the world around us.

There will be power point, commentary, stories, judgments, and some fun interactive opportunities for the audience. At least that is the plan. I wanted to put a teaser out so the word starts getting spread. So save the date because since this is my first solo production and BLB gave me a prime time slot I would like a sellout crowd.

I will be making a more formal announcement and sending invites through facebook and e-mail.

SAVE THE DATE!!

True Terrorism

2009-03-12T10:49:00.000-07:00

I flew to San Francisco this week and was once again reminded about the true terror threat on a plane, People with Carry-on Luggage. My flight was late leaving Minneapolis because once again people are unfamiliar with spatial reality.

Regardless of the size of the overhead bin individuals insist on bringing bags that will never fit, no matter what. Then they do the baggage magic act as if they are Criss Angel Mind Freak believing they can make the bag fit even though spatial reality says otherwise.

I watched as a passenger flipped their bag over, pushed harder on it, and tried every possible angle to get it to fit. “We cannot close the cabin door until all bags are stowed and all passengers are seated” announced a voice on the intercom. At this point three other passengers were attempting to help this person get their bag to fit, each one ignoring the inevitable. The level of denial being displayed in front of me rivaled that of an addict on the show Intervention.

So thanks Carry-on Luggage Terrorists for holding me hostage on a flight.

Bumper Stickers

2009-03-02T16:22:00.000-08:00

I recently read a study conducted at Colorado State University that found people who display bumper stickers on their vehicles are more likely to be perpetrators of road rage. The study indicated that it did not matter what messages the bumper stickers displayed. Which means that someone with a "WWJD" bumper sticker is as likely to rage on the road as someone sporting a "Kill 'em all, Let God sort it out" bumper sticker.

Bumper stickers on vehicles usually create rage in me. And that is because of the message the bumper sticker is displaying. Now I say this knowing that I have several fishing related decals on my truck but I would be prone to road rage even if I were driving a message free vehicle.

I am talking about reading the bumper stickers on the vehicle in front of me and wanting to follow the person to their destination and punching them in the head. I know, I know...that is a stalking/crazy/illegal thing to do but come on, have you seen some of the bumper stickers out there?

Here are some that truly get me going....
-Visualize Whirled Peas - Do I need to comment here?
-Tolerance- this is the where each letter of the word tolerance is a different symbol depicting one of the major world religions. Seriously? When virtually every religious group depicted has shown anything but tolerance to those outside their group.
-General Lee Surrendered, but I didn't - I saw this one the first month I lived in Texas. I thought wow some people are having a real hard time letting go. This was only escalated for me when I noticed the driver was African American. Uhhhhh....okay
-Cat Bumper Stickers of any kind - The use of cats to teach us a lesson, inspire us or take on human like qualities pushes my buttons. Tell you what when your cat stops puking on the carpet or hacking up a hairball or randomly peeing on my shoes then I'll pay attention.
-Never Apologize for Your Art - Have you been to the Fringe Festival?
-Speak Your Mind Even if Your Voice Shakes - I have one thing to say to you...grow a pair.
-Fearful People do Stupid Things - Wait a minute...see above sticker...do you mean they speak their minds?

Well I could list many many more but I think you get my point. And I am sure you have your bumper sticker triggers too. So slow down and read my friends.

Finding the Point

2009-02-28T14:44:00.000-08:00

Exploration has always been a mark of the American spirit. Inventing, discovery, creation, innovation are the ways in which we find the point. The point is that place where we find out who we are and what we are about. Too often though we define this in terms of what we do, what we have, and where we live.

Hopefully we are beyond content when we search for the point. Our truth and the way in which we understand our truth is something that happens in this present moment. This moment is the only moment that we can fully experience because it is what's happening when we are most alert and aware. But to be aware of the present moment we must escape the traps of the past and the future.

The past and the future are moments in time when we remember how it was or how we hope it will be. The past is perceived truth and the future is speculative truth. When I recount moments from the past it is truth as I perceive it because I have taken time to analyze and think and ponder the events, and when I gaze into the future I am speculating on what might be or what I want, to the point of setting a course towards something out there that I have defined as the point. "I will be happy when..." or "I would be different if (blank) hadn't happened."

But what if we were to truly live in this moment not trying to make up for the past or waiting for something different to come along? What if we became so aware of this present moment and embraced and lived it for all its worth? Our senses become heightened, we listen more intently, we observe more closely and we actually take time to enjoy and celebrate the life that is unfolding right in front of us instead of being stuck in a memory or chasing a dream.

So I encourage you to live here in the now, in the present, and discover what it is about. I am sure you will see that there are things you have missed because you are no longer living in the past or for the future but you are living for what is right now.